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Directed by Tarsem Singh and written by Charley Parlapanides and Vlas Parlapanides. Immortals is story of Theseus a man who is chosen by Zeus to lead mankind against King Hyperion who’s only ambition is to seize a magical bow and then unleash the titans.

I often find when writing my blog that I have a hard time looking at a good film and writing masses on it. Not because they are uninteresting but because there’s usually little wrong with them and its easier to critises  for pages and pages then say why something is good.

Immortals is two hours two long, in fact it’s two hours that I shall never be able to attain again. Before I rush into why this is not a film I wish to see again I must quickly say that John Hurt who is dearly beloved by many is very good in this.

Now moving on, where to begin with this, firstly do not read anything into the tag line on the poster which reads “from the producers of 300” this is the most misleading thing to be published on a poster. 300 was excellent, well told, well filmed, exciting story and about a hundred other positive words to say how good it was. Immortals is nothing like that.

As far as the Set goes, the green screen is all extremely beautiful and well done and designed. However it is a massive over compensation to hide its occupants. Remove the glamour and gold which is the set and what do you have left, nothing particularly good.

The script is awful and dull and if you manage to stay awake for the first hour and half then well done to you good sir or madame. In some respects its quite badly miscast, Mickey Rourke plays King Hyperion. A man who likes women, blood and power, fair enough but can we actually hear what you have to say. Rourke’s incoherent mumblings are beyond frustrating, he probably has nothing good to say looking at the rest of the script but would be nice to be able to hear him.

Henry Cavill plays Theseus, his performance is not bad just, like most of this film, pretty damn dull. You don’t particularly feel for him , nor do you root for anyone in this film but wish they would start a war and just kill each other. He’s been announced to play Superman in Man of steel, lets hope the script, plot and just everything is better for him.

Two minor irrations I have with this film are the accents and the teeth. I was under the impression that the classic Greek story, i say again Greek story, was set in Greece. I was unaware that the American, British, Indians and so forth were living there too. Apparently they bought with them amazing dentistry, how nice of them. Not one person seems to not have a bit of toothpaste handy as they all are gleaming brightly.

Normally I would say spoiler at this point but if you have read this so far and still want to see it then more fool you. The Titans themselves are really unimpressive, when some one says titans you imagine power, size and destruction. Instead what emerges from the cage is about a hundred Gollums , great. Another massive plot hole in this poor effort of a film is this. Zeus realises that the battle cannot be won so he summons to ropes and pulls the giant statues around the room in on themselves, effectively killing all within. Why did he not just do that at the beginning, why have temptation there. King Hyperion is going to unleash the titans, well then simply destroy the place and safe us the time.

The last two annoyances I will mention, because otherwise I will just go on and on for hours about this and no one wants that is this. Zeus makes it incredibly clear that anyone who helps the mortals will be killed. Two of the Gods go down to earth and intervene, Zeus discovers this and yet instead of killing  them  both he only kills the male God. Favouritism, I think so.

Lastly its hinted at the end that there might be a second one, considering how much money it made this seems likely, I beg this please make it better. The story of Theseus is incredible,  this however was not.

OVERALL ** For set and John Hurt. Other then that I don’t recommend this film and don’t see why anyone else should.